Indifference, Motivation, and Flourishing Once Again
From the time I graduated college in 2022 up until this winter, I felt so full of life: dreaming big dreams and progressing towards infinite goals. I felt like I was flourishing.
However, 4 years later, all of that is gone. Through the first quarter of 2026, I have felt indifferent towards the world, feeling no desire to impart my values on it.
How much difference does it make?
-Eddie Vedder
Where did my motivation go?
After much reflection, I have answers for myself and anyone else feeling indifferent and lacking motivation:
- The journey >> everything when it comes to motivation
- Obsessing over values that are not your own severely compromises your motivation
- Mental peace comes at the cost of complacency
Healthy motivation
Momentum seems to be a perennial theme I seem to reflect on. It feels so difficult to do anything when you have no momentum and it feels possible to take over the world when momentum is with you. Momentum almost completely relieves you of any need for willpower.
You have momentum when stopping takes more effort than continuing.
Momentum feels like a perpetual source of energy. It doesn't stop when you run out of the obsession that might have gotten you started or the discipline that may have initially sustained you.
Journey > Destination
This simple maxim seemed to be the root of my feelings of indifference. I had no momentum, no motivation, and nothing to work towards. A journey is at the heart of all of this!
Picking the right journey
While arriving someplace on a journey doesn't necessarily matter, the direction of a journey certainly does.
Why are you headed that direction?
While it may seem like such an innocent question, we (for better or worse) exist as the most socially-connected species to ever inhabit the Earth. Our nature compels us to maintain good standing in the tribe because the genes of those who did not fit into the tribe were not passed on to us.
One predominant modern strategy for social acceptance is virtue signaling—convincing others of how virtuous you are, optionally accompanied by virtuous action.
I have certainly employed this strategy! When you can appear to be whoever you want behind some digital profile, why not be the most virtuous of them all?
Though the benefit of social standing is tempting (and unnatural to ignore?), living up to the person one builds oneself up to be is impossible. To put it simply: I'm not trying to change the world, nor am I trying to convince you that I am capable of or trying to change the world.
A misaligned journey eventually comes to an end when one realizes the direction is not true to oneself. From now on, the directions I choose are based on values that are truly my own.
The cost of peace
In making decisions conscious of values I feel are truly my own, I feel generally at peace. I am no longer bothered by world events in which I can do no more than offer my prayers. Outside of my close social connections, I am no longer tempted by the 'must be nice' vices of fame, extravagant wealth, or elite social standing.
Ironically, all of this peace has come at the cost of indifference.
But the complacency feels so nice! Even if it creates the issue of purpose. Because maintenance of this 'destination' does not fill my days nor my thoughts.
While one option may be spending more time reflecting on "what else matters to me?"; my gut fees is to sacrifice some of this peace for purpose, drive, curiosity, and energy. In short, I miss feeling energized to get out of bed in the morning and spend time on something that is meaningful to me.
While relating to happiness, I believe the Count of Monte Cristo's wisdom to be highly relevant in this case:
There is neither happiness nor misery in the world. There is only comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.
-The Count of Monte Cristo
Contrast is everything to our limbic system: we must feel the lack of something to be motivated to put energy towards something.
Will our love bloom again?
-Rebecca Lovell
Admittedly, I've only skimmed George Orwell's essay "Why I Write", but I admire his honesty admitting "sheer egoism" drove him to write.
The reality is, if we don’t do anything out of love for ourselves, who else will? Even the most perfect, devout, and attentive partners cannot possibly know the love we ourselves need each second of the day. Do something for yourself out of self-love.
So let your love for yourself bloom again, because self-love is the spark that starts everything: the small sacrifice of peace, to the value-driven journey, to flourishing once again.